Just when I thought I was getting things together… my ONLY working computer, STOPPED WORKING!!!!!!! As I have no library card – and therefore a miniscule amount of ‘guest’ access – I am once again delinquent on my postings. I have six minutes remaining on my borrowed computer. I want to cry.
I feel like every time I sit down to write a post I have to apologize.
I hate apologizing.
It has been another long break between posts and all that I can say is that I have nothing to say. I am annoying myself, JJ, and I am pretty sure that I saw Bailey (my dog) roll her eyes at me this morning.
The job hunt is ongoing but unproductive. I have watched all of the movies I own, read all of my books and I only get one channel on TV. Sadly, I still have a WA drivers licence and a WA PO Box, so I can’t even get a library card in CA.
woe is me
Nah…. the truth is I have stopped feeling sorry for myself. I am going back to school (again) in a little over a month, so that should kick start my brain into gear. I think that I should just face the fact that I need to keep taking classes for the rest of my life. I may be stressed when I am in school, but at least I always know what day it is and have something to do each day.
I would be a lousy housewife. It takes all of 20 minutes to clean the Wilderness, shoot! the whole place is only 26 ft long. I love my little home.
I think I am going to go home and take a nap.
hope all is well
I surf various blogs on various sites and I am amazed at the imagination and creativity of people. I wonder if the medium of the internet is recognized by the ‘intellectuals’ of the world. I wonder now if there truly is such a thing as an ‘intellectual’.
What does that mean anyway?
I don’t see anywhere other than the internet where ideas can be connected in new and interesting ways. The real genius of modern society is available for anyone who knows where to look, unfortunately, it is not always easy to know where to look.
I have tried to find individuals in various fields, bloggers like myself, to share ideas with. So far, only fellow writers have responded with any degree of interest. And they say that writers are a solitary bunch… they are wrong. In my experience writers thrive at meetings of the mind.
So, I am here, sending out my little plea for help. I am in need of discussion on diverse topics. I have become stagnant in my own mind and this condition only seems to worsen when I ‘cold call’ or search blindly for someone to ‘talk’ to on any given issue. For example, I would have loved further discussion on Self-Concept but it just did not happen.
I just passed a blog milestone, over 1,000 visits to the site. I thought that by the time I reached that marker that I would be comfortable with the blog and that I would have found a theme. I feel just as unsure as I was the first week or so, I actually think that I have gotten worse at the whole thing.
I don’t know, maybe this insecurity will pass, maybe tomorrow I will wake up and have something I want to say, but right now… I think that right now I have been done in by reality and the abstract and insight are lost to me.
I see the spark in other blogs around the world wide web, I feel the teasing warmth of inspiration, I sense Truth hiding around the corner but my reflexes are slow and I can’t grab hold. I would rather put forth posts full of ideas and passion, not posts such as this one, confused and numbed by the pressures of the world. But as it is, that is where I am, this is what I’ve got.
I apologize for my silence this past week and for my sporadic postings in the past couple of weeks. As I mentioned before, I have been trying to find a job. I still have not been successful in that endeavor, however, I do not view the time spent as a waste. I have rediscovered some skills that I have not put to use in recent history.
Previously I also mentioned my past employment disappointments and difficulties. While I may have once viewed these experiences as failures, they too have taken on a new light.
I was able to help someone this week.
When I think of instances in my life where I have been of help to another, I usually think of instances in which ‘helping’ was a part of my job – tutoring, for example, or customer service. I have been known to run to the grocery store for an elderly neighbor or make a meal for a sick friend, but this week… this week I helped a friend keep his home.
While I won’t go into detail, I will say that it has been a very long time since I have felt this at peace with my professional past. Thanks to my varied background I speak and understand Lawyer, Doctor, Government, Social Worker, Therapist… and I have the ability to translate terminology and jargon into English. I think that is a pretty cool skill to have.
Again I apologize for my absence, but I did not want to divide my attention or energies and risk making a mistake or letting my friend down – you guys know how quickly and easily I can get off track. I should be better this week.
Hope all is well,
At this moment I have five tabs, two windows, a PDF file and two word documents open. While this slows the Acer down considerably, that is the price I must pay for ‘borrowing’ a WiFi connection.
It strikes me that this is how I live my life a great deal of the time. I have to wonder at my ability to collect ‘To Do’ items all at one time. That wasn’t a well constructed sentence, but that only further emphasizes my point. MY PROCESSING SYSTEM IS SLOWING DOWN!!!
One week ago today, I was aimless and without direction. I was without transportation, cable, internet, a good book and sadly, a computer charger (I left it in the truck) and to top it off, I was all alone in the Wilderness (my travel trailer… although I was also out in the boonies… so either way).
Today, I have a million things going on, all scattered in various different avenues of thought, subject and purpose. It is coming up on 11pm, and my day is NOT approaching completion. So much to do, so little time — for now anyway — next week, I may have finished my ‘To Do’ list and once again be aimless and without direction.
When I worked full-time I had a balance and a routine. Since going back to school my routine has a duration of a single quarter. Three month’s of a schedule is barely enough time to settle, never mind achieve balance. Since I have been out of school and traveling I have forsaken both balance and routine. In many ways I am glad that both disappeared, I did not appreciate either one when I had them – even disdained them at times. I now see their value and hope one day soon to call them my own once again.
Hope all is well,